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The trash movies thread

Posted at 09:53 on December 1st, 2002 | Quote | Edit | Delete | Delete Attachment
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This thread is dedicated to movies which are so bad they're funny again. The first one is already a really good example:

Justice League of America (1997)
(unaired pilot for a TV series which was never made because of the badness of this pilot; it can be found on comic conventions and on file sharing tools on the Internet)

The Plot
The 'Weatherman' is terrorising New Metro City. One of his research assistants (the baddie is of course a scientists) discovers she has superpowers, helps the Justice League to beat him and eventually joins the group of clowns.

The Characters
The Atom: a high school teacher who can shrink to minimum size with a mere thought. The only member of the JLA who doesn't pretend to be overly 'cool' and 'hip', thus making him the only bearable character. His only use is to sneak in under doors and to be carried around in bags.
The Flash: Claims to be the fastest man on earth (even though we see Green Lantern catching up with him easily within the first 15 minutes of the movie), but that doesn't help him getting a job - he's a bum. Uses his powers to carry school children away from harm.
Fire: Her job seems to be to look good and play with a teenager's twisted feelings for her. Doesn't have a function as a superhero (at least her fire powers aren't used here).
Martian Manhunter: Claims to be the boss of the JLA and to have trained all the others. Doesn't have any use other than to confuse the poor teenager (see last paragraph) even more with his shapeshifting powers. Also the only of the superheros who looks better in his 'costume' (i.e. disguised as a human) than in 'reality' (fat guy with green foam all over him).
Ice: This is her origin story, so she doesn't come over quite as ridiculous as the others. Only turns up in costume once (in the very end). Her freezing powers are of course crucial in the end.
The Weatherman: Average, boring guy who has built a machine to influence the weather. Can be seen exactly three times.

The Bad Stuff
The Justice League is living together in one apartment nitpicking over whose turn it is to wash the dishes, who is going to take out the trash and so on all the time. The Atom and Ice having a crush on each other. Fire and the teen (what is this 'subplot' for???). All this make JLA more of a soap opera than a superhero story!
Then of course the costumes. See the attached picture - do I have to say more? Green Lantern wears a blue suit. Laughable special effects (the weather changing suddenly, the Atom suddenly standing somewhere completely different after changing size).
The worst: the whole thing is made in 'documentary style'. Between the actual scenes, the 'heroes' sit in the 'studio' being 'interviewed' about the progress of the story and so on. Cheesy!


The Bottom Line
Get it if you can - it's worth it! :D

Edited by Mr Creosote at 20:04 on December, 01st 2002
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Posted at 13:38 on December 1st, 2002 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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I can't believe they actually made something like that only five years ago :D. Sounds like a pre-Batman (with Adam West) show to me ;).
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Posted at 13:44 on March 4th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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On my quest for the worst superhero crap, I watched this today:

Fantastic Four (1994)
(another supposed TV pilot not aired for its badness)

The Plot
Reed Richards is doing some unspecified research in which his colleague and friend Victor von Doom dies. Years later, he summons another 'team' to fly to space: Ben Grimm, Johnny Storm (with whom he used to play video games which can't be older than from the late 80s in his own days as a student - at least 20 years ago) and Sue Storm. Doom is of course not dead (Reed should have known that - come on, with that name?), but he has just turned into some evil villain wearing a metallic mask. He wants to sabotage the flight, but he doesn't even try (huh?). The Moleman steals the diamond which is presumably somehow important to the safety of the space expedition to impress blind Alicia Masters. The spaceship crashes and the four astronauts all exhibit strange powers all of sudden: Reed can stretch his limbs, Johnny can ignite himself without suffering burns, Sue is invisible and Ben is some kind of monster made of some rocky substance (at least that's what it's supposed to be - more about this later). Dr Doom gets them to his headquarters and lets a doctor examine their powers. Of course, the good team escapes, but after a short encounter of Ben with the Mole people and Dr Doom underground, the Fantastic Four (as they're now calling themselves) give in to Doom's threat to destroy New York with some kind of giant laser if they don't surrender themselves to him so that he can absorb their powers into him. Of course his plan fails and after a long fight in which all team members can show off their powers again, he falls to his death (?). Reed and Sue marry.

The Characters
First of all, I'd like to mention the members of the Fantastic Four aren't ever called by their 'codenames' in the whole film! We don't even get to hear the classic quote "Ben's turned into some kind of a -- Thing!" from Sue.
Reed Richards: We see him as a student in the first scenes, he looks way too old there. Later, his face is way too young for his hair (for all of you who don't know: which has already turned white partly). Talking about his hair, the white part is very badly dyed and his black hair seems to be a very obvious wig which constantly falls over the white part.
Ben Grimm: The rubber suit he wears as "The Thing" is just ridiculous - you can almost smell the plastic! The way he looks as a human, he wouldn't even have to wear it anyway... that face....
Johnny Storm: The character's blond, but they couldn't get an actor with blond hair - so they dyed it. Obviously with the same bad colour brand they used for Reed.
Sue Storm: She's the only one who is running around in that tight-fit F4-suit in the second half of the film - guess why. Nothing more to be said.
Victor von Doom: Hmm... what is this language mute people use called again.... Doom seems to be using it constantly - or why does he wave around with his arms all the time?
The Moleman: I don't remember if he's ever called by name. I just assume it's him. He is basically a mixture of Danny DeVito's Penguin from the second Batman movie and the Leprechaun of the bad movie series of the same name. Comes over really uninteresting and dull, doesn't have any real function.
Alicia Masters: Even though it's nice to have her established immediately (remember: this was supposed to spawn off a series), it is not clear why she's in this film.

The Bad Stuff
The Moleman trying to impress a blind woman with a diamond - smart move. The diamond being nothing more than a bunch of molten beer bottles. The Mole people almost starting a musical routine. The Fantastic Four after the crash exhibiting their powers, but they don't seem to be concerned the slightest bit (Reed uses his stretched arms to catch Sue, but nobody including himself seems to notice). Reed immediately recognising The Thing as Ben Grimm. The 'comical' scene with the doctor which only serves one purpose: to explicitely show each one's power again (and to spell those powers out in case the stupid visitors still didn't get it). The marriage scene where the F4 turn up in costumes (including The Thing), but nobody seems to care - it's not as if they had any public appearance before. The glove on a stick waving from the limousine in the end (supposedly Reed's hand).

The Worst
The cheap special effects. Especially everything involving Johnny, aka the Human Torch, is simply laughable! At first, when he only 'shoots' flames from his hand, the flames are obviously hand-drawn - they could have been taken directly from the F4 cartoon from the 60s (you know - the one with the non-animated pictures to which a story is being told)! Later, when he's 'ignited' completely and flying, it looks a bit like Lawnmover Man, but with only two colours and more blocky. Actually, it's closer to Tron (from the early 80s!).

Trivia
The credits list someone called "Reeve Richards" as executive producer.

The Bottom Line
It's bad for sure and that in an entertaining way. On the whole, it's still better than the Justice League pilot though - at least we don't have to watch all this soap opera stuff (which is quite surprising considering the 'soapy' comic)! The actors are talentless, the budget must have been tiny and it shows, sure. But at least they tried to make the best out of the screwy original origin story and gave the whole thing some 'comic book feeling'...

Edited by Mr Creosote at 22:06 on March, 04th 2003
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Posted at 00:36 on March 5th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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That Fantastic Four movie sounds interesting...


No, really. :)
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Posted at 05:52 on March 5th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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It's widely available on common peer-to-peer networks in two sizes (2x450 MB and 2x150 MB) - happy downloading. But don't say I didn't warn you ;)
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Now you see the violence inherent in the system!
Posted at 00:34 on March 6th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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2 times 150megs? You're crazy? With my little 56k which is running with a little mouse running inside a wheel for backup power?

Anyways... 300megs... I would need to have that free on my HD first of all... ;)
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Posted at 03:29 on March 6th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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Just keep your computer on during the night and you'll have it in no time :P
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Now you see the violence inherent in the system!
Posted at 16:24 on March 6th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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Trash movies

The Mummy & The Mummy Returns

I'll go into details but it brings back alot of bad memories :P

The Plot
2 Archeoligists discover the ancient book of the dead and the key to open it upon opening the book they unleash an ancient mummy who was put to death for having an affair with the Pharohs wife, the mummy chases the female of the group trying to make her his wife.
The mummy returns involves the scorpian king coming to life and trying to destroy the world with his undead army.

The Bad Stuff ]
The completly see through plot and thin acting really scares me, you can see whats coming a mile away in both films, also the reliance on special effects to make the movie seem somewhat decent.

The Bottom Line
An absoloute piece of trash, if you want to keep your sanity stay away
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Posted at 16:27 on March 6th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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Wait a minute.... are you talking about The Mummy with Boris Karloff as Ardath Bey? It's a great classic!

Edited by Mr Creosote at 00:27 on March, 06th 2003
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Posted at 16:40 on March 6th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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That was probably sarcastic (Mr. C), but I agree with Sterge. That movie sucks.

Edited by Da_Goat at 00:40 on March, 06th 2003
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Posted at 16:50 on March 6th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete | Delete Attachment
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I'm not being sarcastic, I seriously love that movie - especially Karloff's famous 'stare into the camera' is simply amazing!
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Posted at 20:54 on March 6th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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Not the old school Mummy the new one with from 1999 with Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz.
With the Rock in the second one.
It's utter trash
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Not all That Glitters Is Gold, Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost.
Posted at 00:39 on March 7th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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I completely agree with Sterge and Da_Goat. Those two movies are really bad. They score medium for action movie tough. That's probably why it been so popular.
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Posted at 03:48 on March 7th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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Alright, then we're talking about different movies. Haven't seen any of these 'new mummies' and probably never will. I have yet to see a good horror movie from the 90s, so I guess your verdict is correct. Go see the original from 1932!
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Posted at 10:32 on March 7th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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No thanks. I'm not in horror movies at all. I used to watch them when I wanted a good laugh. ;)

I'm in the the science fiction things. When others says Star Trek is too complicated, I always reply back that it's not enough already... ;)
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Posted at 10:55 on March 7th, 2003 | Quote | Edit | Delete
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Yes, I believe we were talking about the modern day POS. I haven't seen the old one from the 30s. Even if it was a piece of crap, it would still be better than recent one, if only because it's a "classic", so it has some authenticity.

Edited by Da_Goat at 18:55 on March, 07th 2003
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