Mortal Pong
for PC

Company: Cheesy Software
Year: 1997
Genre: Action
Theme: Unique
Language: English
Licence: Freeware
Views: 8305
Review by Elwood (2011-11-06)

Okay ladies and gentleman. I'll now invent a new kind of review. The “drunken re-review”. “So what is this?!” you ask. Okay, lemme tell you:

I used to run a few abandonware sites years ago. I still have most reviews from back then and usually they're not very good. So - what should I do with them - throw them away? Nah, too easy! A while ago I gave the whole bunch to Mr Creosote and he picked out the few that were okayish. But what about the rest? I redid some and I forgot about the most of them.

So now I'll try a different approach. I will read the old review. Fetch the game and play it again. Then I'll compare and - hopefully - come up with a better review. What about the “drunken” you ask? Well... that is optional. At the moment I just had a bit of wine. But that should not concern you. I started with this before I opened the wine.

Let's start with the old review:

Oh yeah - Ultra Pong this one... different opponents, playing with more than one ball (imagine my surprise when a 3rd ball popped up to the initial two...) - this one is challenging - a really good game if it weren't for the well... uncomfortable controls. Player one gets 'A' and 'Z' ('Y' on european keyboards) and player two gets the arrow-keys, this means if you are playing alone (against the computer) you got to deal with 'A' and 'Z', not TOO funny for the right-handed majority - laying your arm on the whole keyboard is not very suitable (best solution for 2 players though). Anyway, if you manage to get used to this you will have lots of fun. Trust me, it's pretty hard to beat the strongest computer-opponent 'Evil Homer' - he's pretty good! Maybe one of the best adaptions of the Pong-theme out there...

Okay, so I got the basic idea. Pong... right... and you can play against serious computer opponents. Pong against the computer is always a tricky thing. Either the computer plays totally stupid - which is no fun - or it plays perfectly - which is even less fun. So right. This sounds like last time I played this only Evil Homer was able to beat me. Let's have a look at the available opponents then.

Right - first there's “Sloth” with the description “Slow as dirt, even you could beat him!”. Then there's “Sponge” - “A slow but steady opponent.” He is followed by “Frank” - “A good player with a good eye and good moves.” The last one is the already mentioned “Evil Homer” saying “I am Evil Homer, I am Evil Homer, I am the best!”

So much about that. So back then I was younger and as things are... they tend to get better over time. Like wine and... well... okay, let's stick with wine.

I try Sloth then. And okay - I win. So next is Sponge. Should be easy - I'm older now, better... like... err... wine, you know. But as things are - Sponge beats me. Twice.

Bad thing. Guess I'm not like wine - I don't get better over the years. But I won't hide. I will take a ride against Evil Homer now. Let's see how I put up against him.

-> imagine an intense Pongbattle here <-

Okay... this was... devastating. I was able to get 2 balls past Homer. This might sound like something, but Homer got like 100 past me. So well. I declare Homer unbeatable. Prove me wrong!

So... What is missing from this review. Ah right! The basic Pong rules. Okay... There is a ball - and there are two paddles. Now the ball moves to one side. The paddle on that side tries to catch the ball - now it bounces back to the other side - and now that paddle tries to catch it - etc. etc.

That is the basic Pong. Now this version tends to get annoyed if the players can't decide who's the better one - so it throws in extra balls until they can decide.

When I first read my old review I thought it was not saying a lot. But playing the game again I tend to admit, that it really said a lot... if not everything. The game is good. If you want a somewhat modern version of Pong try this. The computer opponents make sense. Seriously.

Ah just one thing: There are some (sort of) digitized voices saying things. To sum it up: Better turn the sound off. (And not only for the voices.)

Comments (1) [Post comment]

Herr M.:

Geniales Review ;), interessantes Spielekonzept, schlechte Umsetzung: das Paddel ist (vor allem wenn man die Anzahl der Bälle bedenkt) viel zu träge, Maussteuerung wäre außerdem echt ein Hit.

Also... erkläre ich Homer für unbesiegbar. Beweist dass ich falsch liege!

Dem komme ich gerne nach: Homer ist nicht so unbesiegbar, wie er vielleicht scheinen mag (siehe Anhang).